"i'll have the super bowl special, with extra spit, please..."

This afternoon, the Associated Press moved a story that an editor at work happened to forward to me. The editor's subject line read, "Be careful if you order anything from microsoft." Seems some folks in Seattle aren't quite over Super Bowl XL, that splendid football game played on Feb. 5, 2006, when the Steelers beat the Seahawks, 21-10, to win their fifth world championship. [Not to gloat or anything.]

Anyway, here's the story in its entirety:

PORT ORCHARD, Wash. (AP) -- A fast-food cook and Seattle Seahawks fan has been accused of spitting on a hamburger ordered by a man wearing Pittsburgh Steelers attire. Kitsap County sheriff's deputies say the 37-year-old customer was with his daughters at the Port Orchard-area eatery last Saturday. He reportedly traded remarks with an employee about Super Bowl XL in which the Seahawks lost to the Steelers. When the customer opened his food container, he says there was spittle on the burger. He demanded a refund and called the fast-foot outlet's district manager. The manager told deputies a 24-year-old man might be responsible. The next day, deputies went to his house and smelled marijuana. The man was released after being booked for investigation of fourth-degree assault and possession of marijuana.

Goodness, talk about a bad day -- and not necessarily because the AP let that story hit the wire with such an awkward, tense-shifting sentence as, "When the customer opened his food container, he says there was spittle on the burger." Nah. I'm talking about Fast Food Dude. I mean, one afternoon you're merrily flipping burgers, just minding your own business, when next thing you know you're in the hole with Bubba, your resume now topped with a double dollop of assault and dope charges. All because your favorite football team couldn't tackle Willie Parker, and you couldn't handle being reminded of that fact by some hungry schlub who happens to dress like me. Stinks, man. Of course, had I been the Steelers fan who discovered my Special Sauce had been substituted with Sore Loser Seattle Spittle, I might have been satisfied by simply taking my food back to the counter with the admonition that the line cook could "kiss my rings" and enjoy his day. But that's me. After all, because this particular Steelers fan preferred to press charges, I got to kill some time on a Friday evening by typing this crap, while you just lost a few precious minutes of your life by actually reading this far. Oh, well. Pass the ketchup -- preferably Heinz, of course -- and Go Steelers.

george vescey on the voice of yankee stadium

Wanna know why sports are cool, beyond what happens on the field? Check out George Vescey's column from today's New York Times on Bob Sheppard, the longtime public address announcer at Yankee Stadium who is recovering from bronchitis. As anyone who's seen a ballgame in the Bronx knows, Sheppard's voice is deep and distinctive -- what God must sound like if He were to recite a lineup card. Best of all, Sheppard is simple and never, ever obtrusive. Money quote from Vescey, on word that Sheppard would be back behind the mike by June or July:

This news was a glorious harbinger of spring, a reassurance we have survived the horrors of winter and the Knicks and cheating governors on both sides of the Hudson, and now it is time for the world to resume.

Cool.

the meaning of fewer reporters on the campaign trail

Fascinating story on the front page of today's New York Times about what the economic reality of the journalism business is doing to campaign coverage -- namely, that fewer print media organizations are sending reporters on the road to cover the candidates full-time. As the story notes, the effects of this are obvious:

Traveling campaign reporters say they try to do more than just regurgitate raw information or spoon-fed news of the day, which anyone who watches speeches on YouTube can do. The best of them track the evolution and growth (or lack thereof) of candidates; spot pandering and inconsistencies or dishonesty; and get a measure of the candidate that could be useful should he or she become [sic] president.

With more and more newspapers cutting back on expenses and relying on wire services for on-the-road coverage, there are fewer eyes and ears to offer any kind of additional perspective. And competition, at least in the world of ideas, is good for consumers -- especially educated discerning consumers of news and information. The Times' story rightly notes that there is a lot of "pack journalism" out there -- those clusterfucks where everybody's asking the same question and getting the same answer. Sometimes, of course, clusterfucks can't be helped. But the best in the business find a way to mine for more -- talking to a candidates' advisers or other sources away from the fray, paying attention to non-verbal cues, making an extra phone call, etc. The increasing reliance on wire services, or on bloggers not getting a first-hand glimpse of the candidates on a day-to-day basis, does not, at least to my mind, bode well for us. All of us.

UPDATE: I changed the word "educated" to "discerning" above, since, upon further review, discerning readers need not necessarily be educated. The importance of editors can never be underestimated.

the book on philly nightlife

David Grazian, a sociology professor at Penn, has written a book called On the Make: The Hustle of Urban Nightlife, in which he explores, using mostly anonymous interviews, the nightlife culture in Philly. Grazian's focus is specific to Rittenhouse Square and Old City, places with which I'm (ahem) rather familiar. The book looks interesting, at least according to this interview with Grazian in the March 20-27 issue of Philadelphia City Paper. Money quote from the end of A.D. Amorosi's CP piece:

The biggest surprise in On the Make was the discovery of how anxiety-inducing urban nightlife can be, and not just for the wallflowers. "Shrinking violets and 40-year-old virgins, sure, they were scared," says Grazian. "But also the popular kids and the beautiful people -- especially the popular kids and the beautiful people. I sometimes think we'd all just be better off dressing down, and stop trying so hard to be hip. Having fun should be way more fun than this."

As anyone who knows me will attest, I couldn't agree more.

television news can sometimes be completely inane

Just caught a glimpse of Comcast SportsNet's report on the big Phillies rally at City Hall earlier today. After the usual insightful interviews with fans shouting -- why must some of them shout, by the way? There's a microphone, and we can easily hear every word they say -- the reporter on site stood before the camera and said, "The one consensus that can be reached..." You know, as opposed to all those other consensuses (consensi?) out there. Obviously, speaking extemporaneously and ad-libbing can be tricky: Few of us can be expected to use the right words on live TV all the time, every time. But this was a segment that had been taped earlier, so the poor guy (and his editors) had ample opportunity to make sure his choice of words was a tad bit tidier. But, no. And the consensus to which this reporter was so earnestly referring? Wait for it, sports fans: Those gathered at City Hall really really really hope the Phils will "go all the way" this season. Gee whiz. Really?

the ncaa tournament: pitt out, 'nova plays on

Right on cue, the Pitt Panthers performed their annual March Madness disappearing act Saturday night against Michigan State, while the Villanova Wildcats came back to beat Clemson on Friday before running Siena out of the gym on Sunday. My cousin Jack, a 'Nova grad, said he hoped to see some love for the Wildcats in this space today. Well, here it is: 'Nova is the last PA team still playing, and good for them, considering they're still a year (or two) away from playing to their full potential. But 'Nova is, and always will be, the bad guys when it comes to Philly hoops, seeing themselves as on a higher plane than the city's other schools, at least in the eyes of many of their fans. Actually cheering for them requires a suspension of integrity I just can't muster right now. Besides, Pitt's loss on Saturday has me too jaded to even care about what happens the rest of the way. Bring on baseball.

allen iverson's return to philly

The Answer's first game as an opponent at the Wachovia Center last night certainly was something to see, from the 65-second standing ovation he received to his kissing the Sixers' team logo upon taking the floor to his insightful reflections on an enigmatic, if dazzling, career in Philadelphia. Fact: Allen Iverson is the most dynamic basketball talent I have ever seen, if only because what he lacks in size he more than makes up for with quickness and heart. No one played harder, which made him that rarity in today's spoiled landscape of professional sports: As a fan, you got your money's worth, all night, every night. There was, of course, so much off-the-court stuff, stuff that makes one wonder if... both if he was capable of carrying a team to a title, given the right parts, and if he really was a valuable teammate, given his aversion to practice and his willingness to take so many shots. Alas, we'll never know. But for one more night, The Little Guy made the house rock at Broad and Pattison, even if -- as Mike Sielski notes in his column in the Bucks County Courier Times -- he once again couldn't make his team win.

"newspapers are still far from dead, but the language of the obituary is creeping in"

The reality is grim, to be sure, but I still believe there is hope. We have to adjust, that's all. Online enterprises -- and their varying deadlines -- are a must.

pitt win win, pitt will lose: march madness is here

It's March Madness, which means we're in the midst of the best two weeks on the sports calendar. Nothing better illustrates the unpredictability of the NCAA tournament than the fact that no one's an expert -- not even the experts. Bob Knight, the winningest coach in college basketball history, picks none other than the Pitt Panthers to win the damn thing. But then there's Dick Jerardi, the Philadelphia Daily News' longtime college basketball guru, who picks Pitt to get ousted in Thursday's first round by Oral Roberts. Who's to say who's right? Starting tomorrow, we'll find out. I, for one, tend to side with Jerardi: Being a Pitt fan, after all, means you know you're guaranteed to be let down. Your heart is mostly scar tissue anyway, so let's get this over with already.

why they say you shouldn't sh*t where you eat...

...because you might wind up like this. Sheesh.

banning bloggers?

We're going to see more of this in the future, I'm afraid. Not only are more newspapers using bloggers to supplement their print coverage, but more and more newspaper people are actually leaving newspapers to blog on their own full-time. How much can sports teams (and, by extension, other organizations) limit the access of those who wish to cover them? It's not so clear-cut. On one hand, teams and other organizations have always issued credentials to working members of actual news outlets. But if, say, the life of kings sought access to a given event, would a team or organization be obliged to grant it? Not so simple, huh? Perhaps I should just try to walk into the Super Bowl or the Final Four in the future. I'm willing to bet I get my ass kicked by security accorded the utmost respect for all of my fine work.

billy crystal to play for the yankees

Kevin Kernan of the New York Post throws some cold water on the idea of Billy Crystal playing for the New York Yankees for one day on Thursday. Only adding to the comedy, of course, is the fact that Crystal will play for the Yanks in a spring training game against my Pittsburgh Pirates, which means he'll probably get a couple of hits. The phenomenal Pirates blog Where Have You Gone, Andy Van Slyke? suggests the Pirates should counter by having actor Michael Keaton, a Pittsburgh native and fan, similarly suit up for the Bucs. "Of course," WHYGAVS writes, "[Keaton] could probably start at third for us, so maybe we should spare ourselves the embarrassment." Boy do I hate being a Pirates fan.

pro athletes are jerks

Not all of them, of course. But enough of them do dumb stuff like this to make for a rather disturbing trend. One thing's for sure: People don't stop buying tickets or going to games, thereby cutting off any financial support for such aberrant behavior. Nor will they.

the ukranian army is on the march...

...at least if this is to be believed. As you were, ladies.

thoughts on philadelphia weekly's bar rankings

Those insufferable hipsters at Philadelphia Weekly have just come out with their list of the city's Top 50 bars, though I can't say the choices make me too eager to raise a glass. It's an interesting roster, to say the least, and by my count I've been to 27 of the joints on offer, which is either sad or some degree of awesome, depending on one's perspective. What's obvious, however, is that much (if not all) of the PW staff has never set foot in an actual neighborhood bar: Many of their selections reflect the standard litany of trendy spots where it seems just as important to be seen sipping a PBR pounder or quaffing some micro-brew-of-the-month as it is to, say, just sort of sit there and, you know, drink, which is my own preferred method barstool-sitting, be it alone or with like-minded others. Having enjoyed, a little more than a year ago, one of the greatest evenings of my long and less-than-distinguished drinking career at a little hole called McCusker's, way down at 17th and Shunk in South Philly (don't ask), I find it remarkable the PW crew could do no better than to identify Oscar's Tavern (a fine dive in its own right, to be sure) as it's preferred smoky little spot. In all honesty, I'd like to think these self-appointed arbiters of dive-bar decorum would venture a bit farther than a couple of blocks from their offices to find something else with such character, but I should have known better. Besides, any list of the city's best bars that fails to include Cherry Street Tavern (22nd & Cherry), with its simple menu of hand-carved sandwiches, a friendly-but-never-overbearing staff, and a dark, quiet atmosphere conducive to all sorts of good conversation, especially in the wee hours, is no real list at all. Thanks, but no thanks, PW. I'm going somewhere else.