and they say romance is dead...

Not so in Ann Arbor, Mich., where a high school boy asked a girl to the prom by getting some friends together to moon her with the question. And she accepted. Kind of brings a tear to the eye, no?

happy 25th anniversary to the great lee elia rant

Twenty-five years ago today, April 29, 1983, then-Chicago Cubs manager Lee Elia made history when he totally lost it during a press conference after another disappointing early-season loss. Elia directed his wrath at the Chicago fans who came out to day games (Wrigley Field in those days still did not have lights) and at the city's media (of course) for their criticism of his players. This, gentle reader, is truly the stuff of legend. I gotta say, for the last few years at work, we've occasionally queued up Elia's tirade on YouTube just for laughs. (Could you imagine covering something like this in the era before the Internet? How would you write it up?)

Elia's rant is guaranteed to brighten your day, and I'm pleased to share it with you now. No need to thank me. Just sit back and try not to pee yourself.



Happy Anniversary, Mr. Elia. And thanks again, you f***in' c********r.

UPDATE: Jay Mariotti has a pretty cool column in the Chicago Sun-Times that asks Chicagoans to forgive Elia.

harvey araton unloads on notre dame

Wake up the echoes: This one pretty much speaks for itself. I give you the fantastic lede paragraphs from Harvey Araton's column on the arrogance of Notre Dame football in today's New York Times:

For self-importance on the grandest of delusional scales, there is no entity in sports quite like Notre Dame football, winner of three games last season, routinely whacked like a piñata in recent bowl games and not a national championship to its name in 20 years, or since the Gipper was about to hand off the presidency of the United States to George H.W. Bush. How humble of Notre Dame to have visited Ronald Reagan in the Rose Garden at the White House on Jan. 18, 1989, resisting all temptation to call for a meeting at a neutral site more to its grandiose liking.

Ouch. The rest of the piece can be read here.

50 bucks!?! for a stinkin' t-shirt!?! what the %&#@!!

Now that I've shamelessly declared myself to be the Pittsburgh Penguins' unofficial Pain-in-the-Ass Bandwagon Captain, I figured it was high time to be as thoroughly obnoxious as possible by strutting around Philly in some fancy Penguins gear. Tooling around the Pens' web site, I came across this T-shirt, which I could see myself rocking around town -- until I saw the price tag. Eff that.

penn relays photo journal: this is the end

The 114th Penn Relays is history. I already can't wait til next year, but let's have one last look...





Now, of course, it's time for this:

a penn relays funny

So I'm sitting next to an old-timer while typing away and listening to a press conference following the USA vs. the World women's 4 x 100. After one of the women said the team "had good chemistry," the old-timer leaned over to me and said, in a way only old-timers can say, "Chemistry? They shouldn't use that word in track and field. Marion Jones had chemistry." Indeed she did. And we all know what happened to her.

penn relays photo journal: around and about

The fans -- especially the Jamaicans -- go wild during the USA vs. the World women's sprint medley relay. If you've been to any big sporting event, you've heard noise. But you've never heard noise like this...

So.
Effing.
Cool.



A view of the stands from the paddock area:



When batons get exchanged, as in this heat of the high school boys 4 x 400, it's M-A-D-N-E-S-S:



A view of Woo Corner from the opposite side of the stadium:



Woo Corner, from another angle:



So you're hungry for a Jamaican beef patty? Better get in line...



A view of press row, from the front of press row:

some sports musings

* They spotted the Broadway Blue Shirts a 3-0 lead. Didn't matter. They came back, took the lead and were suddenly tied again. Then Sooper Sid connected on a one-timer from Ryan Whitney that was actually tipped in by Evgeni Malkin. In front of an insane "white-out" crowd dahn-tahn at The Igloo, 'Guins win.

* Over on the North Side, it was Phillies 6, Pirates 5. Zach Duke really stinks, and the Buccos can't get rid of those awful Friday red jerseys fast enough.

* What in the world has gotten into the 76ers? Where do they get off running a veteran team like Detroit out of the gym like that? Ah, who cares. It's a cool story just 'cause it's even happening.

* The NFL Draft is today! Yawn. What's the best thing about being at The Penn Relays -- aside from, you know, actually being at the Penn Relays? It's a totally draft-free zone. Nice.

penn relays photo journal: some random stuff

What's cool about track and field is how, when broken down, it's sport at its purest: sprinters, hurdlers and jumpers who possess speed and balanced strength, frail-looking distance runners with remarkable endurance, and throwers who are just big and beefy -- and that's just the women (ba-dum-CHING!). Anyway, here's a bunch of big high school dudes waiting to throw the discus on the fields just below the train tracks. Just 'cause.



So many athletes, so few places to stay loose or to warm up: many run through the city streets, zig-zagging around puzzled pedestrians, while others come here, to Penn's old baseball field beneath the train tracks:



The Jamaicans are coming! The Jamaicans are coming!

penn relays photo journal: day three begins

Ah, Saturday at the Penn Relays -- what just might be the best day of the year. Today's the day Tyson Gay, Allyson Felix, Pittsburgh's own Lauryn Williams and many other Olympic-caliber runners will compete, and the joint will be packed and amped up like crazy. The skies are gray, which means it might rain, but The Show Must Go On, rain or shine. To kick things off, here's a photo (taken from the end of the Walnut Street Bridge) of the Palestra, located just next to Franklin Field. The Palestra, to me, is one of the most sacred structures in the city -- a simple gymnasium that doubles as a veritable museum of Philly college hoops. In other words, a House of Awesome.



Much to watch. More to come...

penn relays photo journal: it ain't always pretty

Plenty of athletes here give it their all. Some literally so, like this poor guy who had just come off the track following the college men's distance medley relay:

penn relays photo journal: protests?

It wouldn't be an event on an Ivy League campus without a good old-fashioned protest, right? This was taken this afternoon on 33rd Street, just across the street from Franklin Field:



Upon closer inspection, however, it was discovered these student-agitators were in fact raising money to fight malaria. Oops. My bad. Though I still reserve the right to make fun of them for making signs that were impossible to read from more than two feet away.

penn relays photo journal: moving around the stadium

A view from the famous Woo Corner, right at the final turn before the homestretch:



From the life of kings' seat on press row, a view of Michigan crossing the finish line just in front of Tennessee to defend its title in the college women's Championship of America 4 x 1,500:



More to come...

we interrupt the penn relays for a little baseball...

You know, just 'cause. After all, the Phillies are on Pittsburgh's North Side for a weekend series against the pitiful Pirates. Shamefully, thanks to baseball's unbalanced schedule and the ridiculous fact that they're not in the same division, this is the only time the Phils and Bucs -- baseball's greatest rivalry in the late '70s and early '80s; like, seriously -- will play in Pittsburgh this season. It's Adam Eaton vs. Zach Duke tonight, Kyle Kendrick vs. Matt Morris (let us pray) tomorrow night, and Brett Myers vs. Ian Snell in Sunday's matinee finale. The real matchup to watch, of course, will be whether either team's first baseman will actually get a stinkin' hit: Ryan Howard, he of the brand-new, $10 million annual contract, is hitting a cool .111 for your Phightin' Phils, while the Buccos' Adam LaRoche sports a sorry-ass .149 average that looks downright dominant by comparison. Sigh.

penn relays photo journal: day two begins

At 9:04 a.m., hundreds of athletes wait outside the Palestra to check in:



And if you care to read the appreciation of the Penn Relays I wrote for today's editions of The Bucks County Courier Times and The Intelligencer of Doylestown, click here.

Or don't.

More to come...

penn relays photo journal: just a thought

Of all the cool things to see and hear here, among the best is when the public address announcer reads off a list of college teams competing in the same heat. The late Jack O'Reilly, a thin little old man with a booming baritone, totally blew me away the first time I heard him do it a few years back. (The New York Times once described O'Reilly's voice as having "crisp, rich tones [that] evoke images of royalty.") Today, Burton T. Richie, who now handles the duties for most of the big college races, read off the list of the first group of college women's 4 x 100s, and it just sounded cool:

Georgia Tech, Georgetown, Florida Atlantic, Penn, Cornell, Harvard, LSU, UConn, Coastal Carolina...

Only at the Penn Relays.

penn relays photo journal: back on the infield

The scoreboard is pretty cool:



4x400s, as seen from just next to the long jump pit:



More to come...

penn relays photo journal: some views outside the stadium

They contest the javelin outside the stadium here, on a field just below the South Street Bridge. Dig how all of the officials wear red hats, white button-downs, striped ties and yellow khakis. When it's colder out, they even sport blue blazers. Like olden times -- classy and important-looking. And way cool.



The walk back from the javelin pit takes you right along the Schuylkill Expressway and provides a gorgeous view of the Center City skyline. A better photographer might have snapped this without the backs of those signposts being in the way. But I'm not a better photographer.



Just outside the stadium, it's a carnival of people and humming activity. All day long.



More to come...

penn relays photo journal: and so it begins

The 114th running of the Penn Relays began today at ol' Franklin Field in West Philly, and the life of kings was there to take in the awesome. Rather than try (with futility) to put this town's greatest annual sports spectacle into words, I've instead decided to pass along exclusive cell phone photos, at least as often as time permits (riveting, I know). According to an organizer, there are approximately 4,000 relay teams, 2,500 individual competitors, 900 high schools and 240 colleges registered to compete this year. And come Saturday, when 50,000 people will pack this place, the Olympic-caliber athletes will blaze across the track as folks in the stands -- including thousands of raucous Jamaicans -- wave flags, chant and scream as if they were at a rock concert. The Penn Relays has everything: history, tradition, great crowds and a wonderful setting. You really have to see it to believe it, even if you care not a wit about track and field.

The day is just beginning. The weather is perfect. To be here on a morning like this makes you feel like God is in a good mood.



The madcap paddock area, where the runners are literally herded before they take the track. The races begin early and go all day, with clockwork precision. Somehow, they find a way to keep it all organized.



More to come...

that's a $300 fine for the rest of us, plus costs...

But not for the Philadelphia Parking Authority, it seems. Boy, do I hate the PPA.

a (sort of) campaign report

I just voted -- which makes me a wonderful citizen, but you already knew that -- and it was interesting to note that my little polling place was experiencing unusally strong turnout. The clerks told me 250 or so voters had already passed through, which is very high for this early in a primary day. At my polling station, they hand you a ticket that identifies you as a Republican or a Democrat so the clerk handling the machines will know which electronic ballot to turn on as you enter the booth. The clerk then stacks the tickets on the table where you sign in, and it was interesting (there's that word again) to note that there were A LOT more Democratic tickets than GOP ones. Not sure what that means, considering Pee-A's system is not a winner-take-all, straight popular vote, but rather one in which a candidate must win a given congressional district, all of which are divided proportionally. However, the pledged delegates to the convention are NOT evenly distributed, which means it's more likely more delegates will come from Democratic strongholds like Pittsburgh and Philly. (Got that?) Anyway, with several hours to go until the polls close, I'm going out on a limb to predict John McCain will win today on the Republican side. Now THAT's punditry.

some jokes just tell themselves

The horrors of global warming have struck again: Seems an Earth Day celebration in Western Canada was wiped out by a blizzard, according this story in the Edmonton Sun. Where's Al Gore when we need him to fight the good fight?

hold page one: dick scaife endorses hillary clinton

Down is up, up is down: The Pittsburgh Tribune-Review has endorsed Hillary Clinton in Tuesday's Pee-A Democratic primary. This is at once completely understandable and utterly unbelievable. Understandable because, with The Trib being one of the most politically conservative daily newspapers in the country, there's a cold calculation at work: On matters of policy, Clinton is clearly the lesser of two evils to right-wing wing nuts (ahem). And come November, given Obama's burgeoning status as a "rock star" candidate, The Trib no doubt figures John McCain has a better chance to beat Clinton should Clinton ultimately become the Dems' nominee. But still: Anyone who recalls Bill Clinton's presidency will remember the smear campaign against him conducted by The Trib's publisher, Richard Mellon Scaife, who financed, among other things, the notorious Arkansas Project. Anyone else recall when Hillary went on The Today Show to blast "the vast right-wing conspiracy" against her husband? Well, Dick Scaife was at the heart of all that. Sigh. Those were some days. That Scaife has now actually endorsed someone, anyone from the Clinton family has me wondering if the end of the world is nigh.

bill lyon is back!!!

Some good news and a pleasant surprise in this morning's Philadelphia Inquirer: Retired columnist Bill Lyon, a man who has authored some of the best-written stuff (sports or otherwise) in the history of Philly newspapers, is back. He covered last night's stunning upset win by the 76ers in Game 1 of their playoff series against the Pistons in suburban Detroit, and just as he so often used to do, Lyon provides us with a delectable treat of gentle, elegant prose. Just click this link, sit back and enjoy.

ugh. double ugh.

Being a Pittsburgh Pirates fan is hard -- really, really hard. And while the season is just 18 games old, it's already reached the point of being excruciating, unbearable and any other hyperbolic sentiment that pretty much says "really sucks." A week ago, the Bucs were 7-6 and treading water, but they've since lost five straight, and it's been bad. Really bad. So bad that WHYGAVS already has had to post a state-of-the-team lament that points the (middle) finger squarely at former general manager Dave Littlefield and how badly he totally effed this franchise for years to come. My goodness, when does football season start?

pro football really does rule the world

At least in Pittsburgh, anyway. So you wanna schedule a wedding, a party, or even a church fund-raiser this fall? Better not do it at a time when the Steelers are playing, since they will monopolize the interests of virtually everyone in Western Pennsylvania, according to the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. Amazing, ain't it?

By the way, the 2008 NFL schedule came out five days ago, and while I try to avoid thinking too much about football in April, it's worth pointing out what's on the slate for Sept. 21: Steelers at Eagles, the closest thing Pennsylvania has to a statewide steel-cage match. Or something.

the obama-clinton debate last night

Jeepers, there's a lot of hand-wringing out there. Will Bunch of the Philadelphia Daily News said Charlie Gibson and George Stephanopoulos "disgraced [the] profession of journalism" because their general line of questioning wasn't quite in-line with what's on Bunch's mind. And Greg Mitchell of the Huffington Post agrees.

Well and well. A few thoughts:

1. There is too much on-the-surface stuff being discussed in this campaign, and much of it -- from Obama's pastor to Hillary's having to dodge bullets that were never fired, etc. -- has already been discussed, ad infinitum. Bunch is right: Enough is enough

2. That said, both candidates have addressed some of the issues near and dear to liberal voters -- from rising gas prices to the mortgage crisis to health care to withdrawal from Iraq -- quite often as well. Last I checked, Mr. Bunch, there's nothing wrong with questioning the candidates on matters outside the interests of comfortable, well-to-do liberal journalists whose own worldview is no less narrow than that of those monsters on right-wing talk radio. You may not realize it, Mr. Bunch, both "those people" will be voting, too.

3. Once more, this is why I recommend that people who are serious about this campaign -- and it is a serious campaign -- should do more to inform themselves than watch television or give serious consideration to what some knee-jerk A-hole like Kanye West ever has to say on the subject.

4. It can't be said enough, but here it is: MTV's long-standing campaign to "Rock the Vote" is stupid, and any statistic that shows very few registered voters show up at the polls is actually a good thing. Why? Because if you don't pay attention -- even a little, or at least enough to not be swayed by some last-minute campaign commerical -- I'd much rather you stay home on Election Day. Please.

CLARIFICATION: The other night, a friend informed me she had first registered to vote as a result of MTV's "Rock the Vote," saying it was worthwhile for her for having at least triggered an interest. In hindsight, I probably should have noted that "Rock the Vote" serves a purpose as an introduction, though I still think it short-changes young people because the responsibility of becoming an informed (and responsible) voter ultimately lies with that voter -- and in ways that go beyond sound bites or The Daily Show.

the vindication of mike wise

Yesterday's post about Mike Wise's column on Flyers fans in the Washington Post has generated its fair share of commentary, judging by the comments section and by remarks made in person by some of my Fly-head friends. But get this: A friend with knowledge of the Flyers tells me the organ-I-zation has run off 20,000 copies of Wise's column and will be distributing one to every fan who attends tonight's game at the Wacho Center. The thinking, obviously, is that the Flyers feel compelled to further get their fans into a frothing, maniacal lather. Which, in an ironic twist the organ-I-zation is obviously too stupid to realize, basically proves Wise's point.

UPDATE: Once word of the Flyers' plan to distribute the column got around, the Washington Post issued a cease-and-desist order to prevent it.

oh, my...

Mike Wise, writing in today's Washington Post, describes the fan environment at last night's Flyers-Capitals playoff game with this: "The fans wore orange instead of the Capitals' red, and many of the women and children looked as if they could work security for Megadeth."

That's just fantastic.

Then there's this: "Did we mention they show fights on the video scoreboard every period here, more than most arenas show dunks in the NBA? ... Five minutes into the game, they showed a video of Philly's top brawls this past season, many involving [Riley] Cote grabbing hold of an opponents' shirt for leverage before pummeling him to the ice, which is just a swell environment for children ... They flat-out market and sell violence here, sanctioned, unbridled assaults disguised as sport. The Flyers are an instant repudiation of what Gary Bettman wanted the league to become. They are a reminder of the NHL's pugilistic past that just won't go away."

You mean, the Flyers' organ-I-zation caters to (and even encourages) that which goes "beyond the bounds of loutish fan behavior"? Who knew?

UPDATE: Here's a video of Philly fans showing off their creative collective vocabulary in reference to Capitals star Alex Ovechkin. Any chance these folks were on their way to the library?

"call arnold slick from turtle crick!"

Here come the Penguins, baby.

[photo credit: Peter Diana/Pittsburgh Post-Gazette]

That's right: I'm on the bandwagon. And no, I have no shame.

philly's hottest flyers fans? sheesh.

Don't you just love radio stations? Don't you just love the way they reach for the lowest common denominator when it comes to all things already low-brow? Don't you? DON'T you? Brace yourself, gentle reader, for WMMR's Philly's Hottest Flyers Fan contest. I have to agree with Philebrity that this "makes Philly feel like the meth-y backwater your momma raised you in." Or at least the one you moved to after college, if you're the life of kings. Anyway, Philebrity's advice that natives not send word of this, um, "contest" to any out-of-town friends rings true: While I certainly agree that Philly women, on the whole, tend to be far better-looking than those in Pittsburgh, the next time one of my jerk friends takes the conversation too far about how many stump-toothed mongrel hillbilly chicks he thinks there are in my hometown, I can always quickly shut him up by directing him back to this. Thanks, 'MMR. Rock on.

you're a good man, charlie batch

Reading the sports pages these days can be a lot like reading the police blotter. The sense of entitlement and disregard for common decency from some athletes is disturbing, given their status as de facto role models for kids. Obviously, of course, not all of them are bad guys, no matter how many bad-guy stories we have to read. And some, like Steelers backup quarterback Charlie Batch, a local kid from Homestead, are good guys, as this story in today's Pittsburgh Post-Gazette clearly demonstrates. Good for him.

when women entered the press box

Just got around to this Pohla Smith story from Friday's Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. It's a first-hand account of what she encountered as a woman working in the male-dominated world of sportswriting back in the 1970s. Fascinating to see how times have changed.

thoughts on kansas 75, memphis 68 (ot)

There's only one, really: What in the name of Barry Goheen were the Memphis Tigers thinking at the end of regulation? How in the world does a team coached by John Calipari let the opposition attempt a potential game-tying 3-pointer in the waning seconds when leading by three points? How do you not foul? Geoff Calkins, writing in this morning's Memphis Commerical Appeal, sums up this remarkable collapse rather nicely. But to me, anyway, that one play is the one that matters. For those who don't get my drift, Calipari was an assistant coach on the awesome 1988 Pitt team that lost to Vanderbilt in the second round of the NCAA tournament because it allowed Barry Goheen to dribble the length of the floor before attempting a 3 at the buzzer. As regular readers of the blog know, that game still haunts me. Pitt, like Memphis in last night's national title game, went on to lose in overtime. And Calipari, the slicker-than-slick Memphis coach, was an assistant coach on that Pitt team. He said repeatedly after the game that his team had tried to foul, but it sure didn't look like it, did it? The players obviously didn't get the message. And Calipari had two timeouts remaining after Derrick Rose's free throws with 10.8 seconds left; there was nothing to prevent him from using one to make sure his kids knew what they had to do. Shockingly, that's two years in a row a team coached by someone with a connection to the '88 Pitt Panthers has been eliminated by a play like that. Xavier, which is coached by Sean Miller, an outstanding freshman guard on that Pitt team, let Ohio State get away with it in the second round last year. As my cousin Pat, the man largely responsible for my bleeding heart love affair with Pitt hoops, said in a text message late last night: "How many times does Barry Goheen have to happen before somebody gets it?"

death by blogging

The dissemination of news and information ain't what it used to be.

what's wrong with the newspaper business

In a word -- or three -- it's stuff like this, which, to me, anyway, epitomizes the sort of journalistic laziness and all-around dead wood that permeates the business. Bob Smizik has been writing for the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette since Pittsburgh was a French and Indian War battleground, and he often takes a contrarian stance with regard to much of the city's conventional sporting wisdom. Fine and fine. But three observations regarding that complete piece of crud he authored today:

1. Smizik is not in Atlanta for the Pirates' season-opening series against the Braves, something that would provide him the opportunity to observe the team up close and, you know, actually interview somebody to help broaden the perspective of what he writes. In other words, to do his freakin' job.

2. I counted four spelling and/or grammatical errors. This is as much the fault of the P-G's copy desk as it is of Smizik, but still: It's not like he was rushed by having to shag quotes from the clubhouse after the game or anything.

3. How in the world can he write that the Pirates ought to keep, rather than trade, Xavier Nady based on just two games out of what is a 162-games season? Sitting on his couch watching the game on TV, he obviously had no column idea as his deadline approached, so he winged it.

Bottom line: Readers today are more discerning, and those of us in this business owe it to them not to insult their intelligence. Problem is, newspapers might be the only industry in the country in which one's overall job performance is not tied to one's ability to keep a job, even when younger, hungrier, better talent is out there to replace him. Not that I'm jaded or anything.

"a rumor of angels"

It's the little things, day in and day out, that most often give us joy, even if we rarely take the effort to ponder, as we experience them, how good they make us feel. I still have a contact high from having spent Sunday afternoon with friends in Baltimore, indulging in the many simple pleasures of Fells Point, so maybe that's why I so thoroughly enjoyed John Derbyshire's most recent "The Straggler" essay in National Review, "A Rumor of Angels."

Money quote:

A young woman comes to wipe my table. Her name tag bears a common Hungarian surname. Guessing she is an H-2B (that is, a bearer of a seasonal-guest-worker visa), I offer her a greeting in that language, of which I know a few tourist’s phrases. She is delighted, and favors me with a stream of animated Hungarian. Of course I can’t understand a word.

We switch to English. She is indeed an H-2B, a student from Transylvania. I passed through that region once, a couple of decades before Miss Nagy was born, and we trade Transylvanian reminiscences till she is called back to the serving counter. For a while I sit there sunk in memories of my Wanderjahre while savoring the glow that a man — any man, even an incurably married old guy — gets from the attentions, however brief and accidental, of a pretty young woman. Do they have skiing in the Carpathians nowadays, I wonder? I forget to ask. Back to my book.

Fantastic. The end of the essay is a treat, too. Do yourself a favor and read the whole thing.